my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I am never drinking with the goths again.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
