Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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