did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
