According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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