I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
