told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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