Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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