when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
