Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
