I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
