I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
