i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
