You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
