Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
