youre lurking in front of me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
