your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
bring money and cleavage
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
