he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
