TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
