you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you didnt know i had herpes?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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