So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
where am i from again
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
