SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We are all done wearing pants today
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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