How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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