Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
