my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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