what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
