He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
