oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
