its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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