I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
