sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
