ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Randomize
