A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
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There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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