life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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