I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
