we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Boobs speak an international language.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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