There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
