So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
