She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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