i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Im part way to drunk.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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