none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
