bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
