White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
