I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
