i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
