If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
