I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
there is glitter all over my balls
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