i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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