Swine flu. Run for my life!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
