Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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