that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
