i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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