come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize