i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
