i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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