hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
