Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
