Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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