you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
