My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
