coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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