Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
