suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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