did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
