i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
