Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
