i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
