There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
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I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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