hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
