It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
