if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
