Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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